Hi, and welcome to this week's episode of Money with Alpha. Today, I wanted to talk about a slightly more philosophical topic in relation to money, and that is beliefs and watching your beliefs. What triggered this actually was a conversation I had with a client recently, and she was talking about some beliefs that were embedded from some interaction she'd had with people in her younger, like late teens, early 20s, sort of period. So highly suggestible, you know, trying to figure out we are and they're not beliefs that are serving her. And she's only now just, I suppose, really kind of recognized and become aware of those beliefs since we've been working together. And she. The level of determination in her face to push beyond these and to rewire, disprove. Like, there's. It's a. There's an energy to it which is. Which is wonderful to see, but it really emphasizes the power of the beliefs that we have, and this goes for any area of our life. But I'm speaking specifically talking about money here, and it always, oh, yeah, I feel the humanness of this, and it's so powerful. And it's happened. It happens to all of us, and we all have beliefs. I mean, I remember just even as a. As a teenager, I think, you know, believing, you know, I was chubby. I mean, I wasn't. I was never. I've never been skinny, but I certainly would. I look now and I'm going, oh, my gosh, I was so much, so slim in comparison. Not that I'm that much bigger now, but still, I didn't think I was slim back then. And, you know, I thought I had these really chubby cheeks. And so I didn't like smiling properly because it really amplified them. And as I've gotten older, my face is trimmed anyway, but still, I look at that and I'm like, oh, my gosh, you should have smiled more when you didn't have so many smile lines. I just want to go back and give that girl a hug. So these beliefs, they are what they are. We. We've experienced what we've experienced. It's now just, what do we do with this? And that's what I wanted to explore a bit more in today's episode. And this might be something that you need to hear as well, because we're all working through things and, you know, our lives are a constant personal development journey. So I wanted to talk a bit more about what beliefs are, why they're important. What are your beliefs? And if you're driving, I get that you can't write anything down. But if you can write this down, anything down that comes to you, please do. Otherwise, if you're driving, pull over if you really want to write it down. Otherwise just, just listen and absorb and allow things to come to you later. Where did these beliefs come from? That's, that's an important one because I've had a few revelations myself in the last week, only about things that I hadn't understood, the level of importance and how they've played out in my life. And then test if your results or the outcomes of the achievements you've seen in your life actually match your beliefs. Because I, my experience is often a mismatch and I'll explore that a bit more with you. And then if they do match your results, like if your beliefs kind of match your results and be like, okay, let's time to rewire these and do something about it. But if they don't, you need to become aware of it, own it, and celebrate it. Because it's something that's really amazing. And it's interesting because I used to always think that beliefs were a direct result, like a direct trigger or a direct foundational element of the outcomes and the results and the experiences that we have in our lives. But through working with, with many people now, I've, especially women, I've come to realize sometimes we've actually busted the belief, but we just haven't recognized it. Which means that there's embedded beliefs and then there's perceived beliefs and how they come about. Well, you could do some studies on this, but I, I think it, this, you know, how they come about in a way is important, but in a way we just need to acknowledge that there's a difference and then go, okay, so this wasn't really a identity triggering belief. This was just a perception of a story linked to a belief. So that's, so we'll, we'll, we'll go into. I'm, I'm getting ahead of myself. So firstly, what are beliefs? Well, the word believe is something that we perceive to be true. It doesn't necessarily need to be. We can believe something that someone tells us that is or isn't true. When we're children, we believe our parents because they're our main caregivers and we believe our teachers because they're our respected elders that are giving us information. And we kind of have to believe them. We're sort of trained to do that. So we, and there's some things that are just labels or language. For instance, we say the sky is blue. Okay. We say the ocean Is blue okay, well, it's a reflection of the sky, or is it the sky reflection of the ocean? So what, you know, I mean, that sort of more scientific or even philosophical things are a bit different. But when it comes to who we believe we are as people, this is where it becomes very subjective. And as by nature as humans, we, we have this negativity bias. And a certain element of that goes back to our history where it's about survival. And you know, in order to survive, we're constantly on the lookout for things that can hurt or kill us or, you know, hurt our young will do something negative. So that's that negativity bias. So we're constant. We've constantly been on the lookout for that. And that reptilian brain that we have really kicks into gear and the amygdala has the memory. There's so many things that really kick in at a cellular chemical level. So in our modern life, we're not hunting and gathering anymore, at least in the Western world. We don't have, you know, I mean, there's food security issues. Yes, it depends where you are and what, what culture that you're in as well. But generally speaking, we go to the supermarket or we can grow food or, you know, there's, there's not too much that we need to do to feel genuinely insecure about food. However, there's a perception that we could potentially, you know, have food. I know my mother, that was a big thing growing up because her mother made food scarce. Yes, she was born at the end, towards the end of World War II, and my grandmother was born at the end of World War I, well, you know, a few years later, but lived through the Great Depression in Europe. And she always had this, like, she was a very controlling person. So she controlled the food, she controlled everything. She even controlled my mother's money until she was old enough to recognize that that was happening. So for her, food was something that was sort of like drip fed to you. So whenever you had it, you had to like, like guzzle it all up before she could take it away again. So there were so many stories around that even if the food itself wasn't scarce, it was made to appear, or my mother believed that it was scarce because in reality it was her mother who was controlling it. So it's really, really interesting when you start to layer down some of these things, what is the belief that we actually have. And something that sort of came to me recently was when, when I was a kid again, because all we can blame our parents for Everything. But we need to take ownership of it now and move beyond it. I used to get lectured a lot about how well or not well I was doing if I wasn't trying hard enough. According to the definition that my mother and my grandmother had. My grandmother would chastise me if I didn't get an A plus in a subject or in a test, because, you know, there's another grade you could have gotten better. So why didn't you? Why did you not get that one? Did you not work hard enough? You know, are you not smart enough? Like, there were all of these messages, which at the time, no, they don't feel nice. But you don't actually realize that they're slowly being embedded, like, piece by piece into your identity and then the beliefs that you have around your abilities and capabilities and even growing up. And I had some really awesome mentors who believed in me more than I did and kind of put me in situations and helped me do things that I didn't realize I could do. Even then, that confidence. There was a certain level of confidence and because I had sort of historical proof that I could do things. But that identity still sits there because it was so formative when I was that age. So if we start to look back at those sorts of beliefs and how money plays into it is a part of it, it's often more the outcome of what we see in our bank accounts. But there's some underlying beliefs there, and it's not always pleasant to delve back into these. And especially if the family members who kind of were the main perpetrators of this are still alive, and they've likely changed because decades have passed, and life does that to us. We grow and we develop. It's sometimes a little bit difficult. Like, I've had these sorts of conversations with my mom. My grandmother passed many years ago now, but even with my mom, and she's like, oh, my gosh. I think of the things that I used to do, and I was like, oh, it's okay. Really. You know, you did what? You know, you didn't know any better. And considering this sort of upbringing my mom had, she did an amazing job as a mother. I look at my grandmother, like, holy moly. And I'm probably screwing up my daughter in ways that I have yet to discover. And I'm trying not to, but, you know, we're human, so it's. It's a matter of sort of trying to be. To deal with our own beliefs and then to not impose at least the same ones on our kids. I'm sure there'll be others, but yeah. And that is why they're so important, because they do collectively form our sense of identity. And the thing is, is that the beliefs we have about the things that we're good at and the things that are good or great about us, they somehow seem to get far lesser import level of importance or impact. And again, that comes down to that negativity bias. Plus there's a certain amount of our societal culture that, especially in Australia, that just doesn't support somebody who, you know, is constantly tooting their own horn. There's a reason why they've called it the Tall Poppy Syndrome. And it's not just in Australia. There's, you know, elements and different versions of that in other cultures around the world too. But to truly celebrate someone's achievement unless they've done something really amazing, and there's probably an element of envy attached to that celebration, we're just kind of like, well, who do you think you are? What makes you think you can do that? And we don't need anybody else to say that to us because we're already saying it in our own minds. Like there's, there's a natural ability to do that anyway. So as soon as somebody else does it, all it does is validate that negative ego and that negativity bias that's already going on in our minds. So we don't even need the external validation of that. So it's, it's, so that's why it's so destructive. But that's to not to say then that everything is great and everyone's great at everything. It's about helping with improvement. And it's not about realism either and going, you know, I'm not going to tell my kid, tell my kid that they're great at everything. It's like, well, you can get better at something if you really want to. You know, could you do better at this? Yes. Do you want to? Yes. Okay, fine. Then need to help you work fast, you know, work more or get better tuition or learn more about how to do that. If you don't want to get better at that, okay. But just acknowledge that that's now your choice. So it's, it's, it's that, you know, it's. And it's not about giving a trophy to every kids that we don't hurt their feelings because then they'll never understand the, the feeling of setbacks and that level of resilience that goes with it. So it's not about artificially elevating a ego or squashing an ego. It's, it's about trying to find a B between what it is that we believe about ourselves and allowing us to explore what we're capable of and recognizing that there is an element of work that goes into that. There's knowledge that needs to be built. There's, you know, learning from, from people who've done it. That's why mentors are really important. And having, having that supportive, constructive network around you. Not that constant, oh, I'm just going to push you down because you think you're too good like that. And then you're like, why, why does that even come from? Especially if we experience it, experienced it ourselves. But then there's that saying, hurt people, hurt people. So it's, it's. We're such complex creatures sometimes. But that's why these beliefs are so important, to recognize them so that we can do something about it. And so have a think about what beliefs you have about yourself, who you are as a person. You. Do you believe that you're a kind person? Do you believe that you have the ability to do pretty much anything you put your mind to? Do you have the belief that you have, you can manage money, that you are. Able to be responsible when it comes to that, that and then, and I'm not talking about knowledge here once, because knowledge is then just. It's a little bit like when you're hiring somebody for a team, you know, you can hire for an attitude and then you can train for skill. It's the same concept really. So you know, you can acquire the knowledge. And it doesn't necessarily mean, because one person may have tried to show you, it doesn't mean that they're the best at doing that. You know, they're like, oh, so and so tried to, tried to show me and it didn't work. Like, well, maybe they're not the best at articulating that and perhaps a little bit too close to you. It's a little bit like when I was learning to drive as a teenager. My mom and I have always been quite close, but she could not teach me to drive. Oh my goodness, did we clash. But my father, who I've never had a particularly emotionally close relationship with, was really good at teaching me to drive. So I was like, oh, wow. So just because somebody loves you and has your best interests at heart doesn't necessarily mean that the best person placed to teach you something, because they're also coming at it with their filters and their knowledge and their biases as well and their belief system. So we're layering the belief systems and the biases and all of this. So you just need to find the right, the right guide, the right mentor, the right teacher. And that takes sometimes a bit of time. Quite often I'm, I'm a great believer and this might be a little bit woo woo. But when the student is ready, the teacher will come. And whether that teacher comes in the form of a book, a mentor, a seminar, a friend, a colleague, a coworker, there's so many different places that these people can appear. And when you're receptive to that and open to the idea of that, you're like, wow, this is truly magical. I think back now and at the time I think I was appreciative of the help that I got, but I don't think I really understood the magnitude of it until I got a bit older and I was starting to do a bit more reflection. So look back into your life, the beliefs that you have and how they came about. Like I said, quite often it's languaging things that have actually been said to us and those words have hit and stayed and stuck or we've interpreted those words a certain way and because of that negativity bias gone and attached it to a negative meaning and a negative belief. So that stopped us from even trying to do something to prove or disprove it. Sometimes we can prove our beliefs and just go see, there we go. I knew that would happen. That always happens. That's why I didn't expect anything else. Or we just don't even try because we're too afraid of failing. We're too afraid of confirming the belief or just maybe we're afraid of busting the belief because what would that mean? A sense of identity gets a bit shaken then and our brains don't like when our identity gets a bit disrupted because it feels dangerous. So it'll generally just give us an experience to put us back in our box. So that's why even with habits and your beliefs, changing your beliefs is a, is a very incremental process. That rewiring process, I'll talk about that a bit more in a moment. Is little by little because if we try and do it, bingo. It's a little bit like, you know, doing a massive change to our diet, you know, suddenly doing a new fitness regime. There's also add lactic acid in our body will build up and our muscles will almost seize. And to the point we're in so much pain that we don't do the exercise again for a week. And then we've gotten out of the habit of it. So yeah, there's that. And then our brains, if something truly traumatic happens, like if we're in an accident, our brains literally shut down and we go into shock. We literally will go unconscious to protect our brains. I'm not saying everything has to be that dramatic, but there's, there's a, there's a pull out or there's a scale in all of this as well. So it's understanding how our brain chemistry works and how our biology is impacting our beliefs and our ability to A, become aware of them and B, change them. So going into the, what your beliefs are, where they came from, starts the awareness process. And that's a really good place to start because without that you can't really do anything. It's a little bit like, you know, you hear a buzzing noise and unless you can actually figure out where the buzzing noise is coming from, you can't stop it. I remember one time being in the kitchen and just hearing this like beeping noise going, what on earth? And I, I have tinnitus, so I often hear like a buzzing noise. Anyway, I'm like, what is it? Then I realized it was the freezer in the G door had opened again when the fridge had been shut or something anyway and it was still a little bit open so it was beeping. And it took me ages to actually figure out what the noise was. It was annoying, but I couldn't find it until finally I found it shut the door, problem solved. But I had to become, had to first attune myself to the fact that yes, this was a different sound than the one I normally hear in my buzzing ear then going, okay, I'm now aware of it. Now I've got to locate where it's coming from, then I locate where it's coming from and then I can solve it. So it's, that's a very simplistic idea but the process is the same. So that level of awareness where it's come from is important because sometimes it might even be a conversation that you need to have with a loved one. I had a really big deep, meaningful with my dad when I was probably about 26. Lots of tears, lots of revelations, a real beautiful connection through that conversation. And then everything went back to the same way it was. Here am I thinking, wow, we've made such strides. We've really opened up to one another. We can go to a deeper level or have like a different relationship, better relationship. No, it was too much too quickly. And whether both of us or one of us wasn't capable of that kind of change, who knows? But nothing's ever changed since. So. And that was about 20 years ago now. So it's a matter of making sure that we're understanding what our brains are actually able to process. Now the testing of the results is an interesting one because I've used this example before of a beautiful friend and client who thought that they weren't good at math and have disproven that so incredibly that not even realizing it until I sort of pointed it out and it could see the, the wheels turning and going, huh? Yeah, I suppose I have and I've done something similar for other clients as well. And it's a beautiful thing because they, they somehow are now consciously aware of the fact that the belief or the story, and it's usually the story, it's not necessarily a full on belief, but we believe that it's a belief, but it's actually masquerading as a belief, but it's really a story and usually it's just repartee that somebody has said. We've attached that sort of phraseology and we just use it again and again. Hasn't really Actually sunk in as a belief, but we think it has. So it kind of ends up behaving that way. But it's a camouflage, so it's, it's an interesting one. So you need to be aware of that. And then that's. It's a lot easier to release a story than it is to rewire a belief. But becoming aware of it is really, really important. So look for areas in your life, just look at, look at your achievements. And I read this book called Be Seen by Jen Gottlieb. And I don't, I can't remember now where she got this idea from, but it's called. I mean, yeah, the American accent would probably say that sound, say this better. But your badass, badass list, which is you write a list of all the things that you've achieved in your life, big and small. You know, for me, one of my biggest achievements is learning to ride a bicycle. When I was in my 30s, I was. That was a challenge I'd set for myself like 10 to 15 years earlier. And I achieved it. I did it with the hell. And I didn't do it entirely on my own. My husband was a huge help in this and we weren't married yet, but he taught me to ride a bike. And I was like, this is fantastic. I, I'm so appreciative because now I love going on bike rides. Whenever we go back to Germany, like we are about to in a few weeks to visit my father in law, we cycle everywhere. And I was like, I would have missed out on all of that. I literally would have been, you know, walking places or driving or just missing out altogether. And it's such a gorgeous experience. So every time I hop on a bicycle, I'm so incredibly thankful and grateful that I put in the effort and now I can do it. So that's one of my big things on that list. And there's other things like speaking in public and doing. Anyway, there's all sorts of things. So you have your list, write things down and just as you think of them, because you won't think of everything all at once. And you kind of almost have to go a little bit chronologically. So when I did this, I had to kind of go back to childhood. And you can even use learning to walk. For me, I learned to ice skate. So yes, I could ice skate and I couldn't ride a bicycle anyway. And I live in a tropical subtropical climate. Incredibly useful being able to ice skate not. But it was still an achievement. So the things that you couldn't do you learned, you practiced, you did, you achieved. Like, there's so many things that we can do now that we weren't able to do previously. And to fully, really delve into this, look at your kids, the things that you teach your kids. When you think of all the things that you also had to learn, there's so many things that don't just come naturally. It takes a little bit of guidance and work. So write all that down so that you can kind of test a little bit. And then you can look at your beliefs, look at your achievements, and go, oh, I can see some mismatches here. That's not great. So what do I do about that now? I can reframe the story, the belief, depending which one it is. Because if there is, if they. If they don't match, then it's a story that you need to retell. You change the words on that and go, I used to think I wasn't good at maths, but I've actually realized I'm pretty okay. That's not too confronting. And it's still not going, you know, I'm amazing at maths. I'm like a math genius. You don't have to go to that extreme. You just rewire the wording or reframe the wording. And so that's where your belief and your results don't match. If they do. So that is actually a belief, and your results are demonstrative of that, and it's not a result that you want, then you need to go back to that core belief and start to rewire it. And that also takes rewording it and looking. Okay, so say that, whatever that belief is, say, I'm not good with money. Add the word yet on the end, I'm not good with money yet. And then figure out what you would need to do to make that yet I am rather than I'm not yet. Is it some extra knowledge? Because when it comes to money, we're not taught about it. So how can we just naturally pick it up without any kind of learning? So sometimes it's just a knowledge gap. So find a book, find a person, find a seminar, watch. Well, there's. Yeah, I hesitate to say watch some YouTube videos because some of them are a bit dodgy. But, you know, use your intuition to try. Like pick the things from it that you can use. Ask questions. It's amazing the people around you and the knowledge they have, the experiences they have and which you don't know until you ask sometimes. So that's little by little Start to and look at that belief with the yes on the end and then mark your progress. It's a really good book which I often recommend called the Gap and the Gain by dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. Awesome book. I read that. Well, I didn't read at the end of last year, but most end of years. I will read that book. I was actually reading another one at the time. Excuse me. But it's a really good book to help you get more into the gain in terms of focus on all the gains that you've made rather than the gaps that you currently see in front of you because that can be overwhelming and intimidating. But you can look at your gains and then incrementally make some changes, link to your belief systems, rewiring those and actually making the progress that you want to see. I'm going to leave it there because that was a lot. So I'll just cover like go through what we went through first, what beliefs are. So yeah, what they are, why they're important. What are your beliefs, where did they come from? Testing your results to see if they match your beliefs, if they do or if they don't, what to do. So please reach out if you have any questions or if you're feeling stuck and you need help with the rewiring and the reframing, because I'm happy to help. So shoot me a message, either an email or a dm, however you'd like to is fine. And I can help with that. So I'll leave you there to ponder because there was a lot in there and I look forward to seeing you next week. Bye.
