Hi, and welcome to this week's episode of Money with Alpha. This one's going to be a bit of a reflective one that's based on experiences that have happened to me over the last few months. If you've been listening regularly, you will have heard my father passed away quite suddenly while I was overseas about it's really about two months ago, or just over by now. But there's been a whole process of the, the process of grieving, acknowledgement, like, all, all of that. But then also tying up someone's life, which is a really bizarre thing to do. I've, I haven't really had to do it quite like this. I remember when my, when my grandmother had dementia and we had to clear out her house so that she could move into a facility, it was a bit different because she was still alive. So it was kind of, it felt more like organizing and clearing and decluttering. There was, there was, seemed to be less of a finiteness to it, even though there still was because obviously she never went back to that house. We even had to sell the house in order to pay for, for the facility because aged care in Australia is not cheap. But yeah, but so doing this now with my dad was a completely different sort of experience. And in that case also with my grandmother, I was sort of like the secondary. It was my mom who was the main person doing things, and I was there to sort of help her and support her. But it was that kind of feeling. So it was really interesting, this experience now, and it's then also made me reflect on what makes a life and what makes relationships as strong or as not so strong or as happy or not so happy as they can be. And some things to sort of help, just some reflections. And these, nothing of this is new. There's, there's just more of a reminder. And I suppose the first word that came to my, my mind with my dad was he had a lot of stuff, like, not just belongings and things, but just, like stuff. And I, I've looked around at, my house and I started decluttering again, even though I do this process somewhat regularly. I've gone back and I've, you know, decluttered my study and I was amazed how much more stuff seemed to be in there. Sometimes it's books and things as well that, that have got accumulated. But just even like just little pieces of paper, it's like, "I must, I must have hung onto this because I thought I might need it at some point, but I haven't and I don't. So let's, let's get rid of it." And even just and even though a lot of it has been in cupboards, like my husband walked into the garage, he's like, "I thought you said you were clearing stuff out." I was like, "I have. There's heaps gone. Look at the rubbish bin. I've got these bags of things to give to charity and boxes of things." And, and he's like, "I don't see it." He's like, "Look in the cupboards. It's in the cupboards." And it's under things. Like, it's amazing how much stuff gets stored all over the place. But yeah, with my dad, we we spent last weekend clearing out his entire place. It was actually weekend before now. But anyway, he, you know, five trailer loads worth of, worth of stuff, and some of it trying to sell some of like the nicer things. But there's, there's actually not that much that was really even nicer. Like, a lot of the things that he'd hung onto were I think sentimental at some point. But all the things that I found the most valuable were the photo albums, and they were all buried in boxes with this big rug, like, sitting on top of it. I thought, "Oh my goodness, he wouldn't have looked at these for however long." And that's, they're the memories. And sometimes memories can be a little bit painful if things haven't turned out... Like in my dad's case, his life hadn't quite panned out the way he wanted it to. So, I think looking at some of those photos may have not been a good thing, and possibly that's why he stashed them away so completely. But me looking at them it brought back, like the stories from childhood, the people that we'd met, the people who were important through, you know, their lifetime. And some of them, or many of them now have passed. But the smiles, the experiences, the travels, and I'm looking at all this going, "Oh my goodness." And then I looked at, like I, I caught up with a really good friend of mine on Saturday, and we've known each other for pretty much 30 years now. Like, I can't even believe I'm old enough to have a friend for 30 years and have met them in my teens. Like, I was like, "Wow, that's, that's a long time." So we've, we, and we've had a lot of experiences. We've traveled together. We had our daughters, you know, within a year of each other. So we've, we've been on a journey. So, and, and I, I realize it's, it's not just the people you've known the longest. It's the people you've had the most experiences with. And if you've helped people through hardship, like this particular friend, I sort of helped her through, you know, you know, the, the journey for her to fall pregnant wasn't that easy. So I, I helped her through that process as a support person. And, and then there's other things, and she's supported me through, you know, with my dad, she was a huge support. And, and so many things over our times where, you know, we've had relationship things and we've needed to kind of just offload or just share comparisons or notes or just, you know, like, "I just need to vent." Like, and she, you know, she is that person. And I've got other friends who have that role as well. And then, you know, where, you know, you've, I've gone to weddings, and I've been there for the birth of their children, and they've been there for the birth of my daughter. And all of these sorts of experiences really bind us as humans, and that's that sort of village community kind of thing, which I feel a lot of the time these days with that sort of superficiality of social media, and we see little, you know, bite-sized snippets of people's lives, and we, you know, comparisonitis and all of this stuff that just really kind of overwhelms us with all of the things that come our way. Take a pause and reflect back over the relationships. And some, some relationships have a use-by date in a way, like they, they end, and there's a, there's a natural progression to some of those. Some might just be there's no reason why, that things have passed. Like in, even in my I'm off to Sydney tomorrow for a few days for a conference, and while I'm there I'm reconnecting with a cousin. I haven't seen him in about 30 years, and-He, he came up to Brisbane for, for my dad's funeral, and we reconnected. I like, "Why haven't we spoken in so long?" And I realized he'd gone through a lot of turmoil and then I'd, like, we just... our lives had kind of continued. But it's just... you think, "Oh my goodness, I can't believe so much time has passed." And it's really nice to, to reconnect 'cause we were, we were pretty close growing up. And then somehow, life, families, partners, travel, different... like, living in different cities obviously didn't help either. But it's one of those things where you're like, time can pass, but it's nice to sort of, to reconnect and, and to kind of pick things up. But the ones... the experiences that we have through our lives. So look, look back at the people that you've had the most impactful, meaningful experiences with, and hopefully a lot of them are still around you. And it's also about choosing the right people to be around you too. And this is something else that's really, really important 'cause not everybody has a good impact on us. well, let me just put that way. And quite often, it's family members because they're there and we're kind of taught, "Oh, family is family," and you have to... at least in, in my, my dad's culture, it's very much like family is... you know, it's, it's, you know, it's thick. You, you know, you, you bind together. Doesn't mean that they're always... have your best interests at heart or that they're always the right people to have around you. You can take them in small doses perhaps, maybe just at Christmas time or, or at big events like birthday... or maybe not even birthdays, but like weddings and, and births and things like that, or even deaths. But it's, it's important to, to be conscious about who they are, what they add to your life, and if they detract, then pause and look at how much time you really need to spend with them. I've had friendships where they haven't haven't necessarily kind of supported or uplifted me, and I... to be honest with I don't really have that problem anymore because the friends I have, I have a sort of a, small... I have a, a larger network of acquaintances, but I have a, a small network of really close friends, and they're all amazing humans who definitely give me reality checks sometimes when I need them because you don't want people who just agree with you all the time and go, "Yay, you, that was fantastic." You know? Sometimes they'd be like, "Well, you know, you could have, like, done that a little bit better," or, "This is not how that may have come across to others. I know what you were trying to do, but it probably didn't happen..." Like, you want people to give you that, that real feedback, and, and know that they're gonna give... come from love and that you're going to take it well, that they don't feel like they they have to be afraid to give you that real feedback. So it's, it's that kind of thing. So it's, it's, it's important to make sure that the people in your life have all of that. And the other thing is to take photos. And in this day and age, I probably don't really need to say that 'cause we've all got our phones, like, you know, arm's length away. And they're our, our portable cameras now really anyway. I mean, I don't even take my SLR with me when I travel now 'cause just the, the bulk of it. And the quality of the photos on the phone for what I need is just, like, almost superior. Like the... you know, there's so much, so many things about it, you know, the light points and all the autofocus points, everything. Our, our cameras in our phones are just... you know, the quality is amazing. So I just have it in my pocket and then I whip it out, take a photo, and I put it back rather than having to carry this big heavy camera and do my settings and, like, "No, no light's not right. Oh, I need to you know, it's just too hard. But take photos and save them. I know this sounds really, really basic but, like, name them, put them in folders so you can find them again. It's not just this, you know, complete awash. Like I'm looking at... through all my dad's photo albums and there's stuff everywhere. You know, there's things from when I was three years old to things from when I was, you know, 20 years old, to thing... black and white photos from when he... my dad was a young man, when they didn't have color photos yet back in the, you know, the '40s and '50s. And and they're, and they're just all over the place. And then I'll find, "Oh, I found that photo." And, and it's... I'm looking through easily 10 to 15 big thick albums of photos trying to, like, dissect out the ones that pull a life together and that they'll... and I'll be scanning them all in or I might even just photograph them with my phone. I went through a process about, oh, before my daughter was born, so probably about 12 years ago now, where I scanned in every single photo and got rid of all the albums, and then I, I named them. I I I basically cataloged all of the photos, and I'm so glad that I did because any time now that I've had to put things together, like when I was putting a sort of a eulogized little, you know, pamphlet together for my dad's funeral, I had all the photos, and could find it. I was like, "Oh, where is that one?" But I knew I'd named it. So I, like, you know, searched it and found it, and managed to put photos of everybody who was there and parts of their lives that they'd shared in this little booklet. And it was so much easier than having to, like, sort through, dozens of photo albums to try and find the photo that I was looking for or a photo that represented what I was looking for. So just... it's worth the time to, to do things like that. And then it's also really nice to, to reminisce over some things, and other things you'd be like, "Oh, I forgot," or... and it can be one of those things where you're like, "Wow, what a life I've had. I forgot I did that. Oh, I I traveled there, and oh, I did that too, and oh my goodness." There's all these things that we tend to park in the back of our brains, and the times when we need the boost to go, "You can do this," those things don't necessarily come back into our conscious mind. They're still buried back there somewhere. So have those. Go through those photos as well on a semi-regular basis to have that reminder of how awesome you are and all of the things that you've done so that when a hard thing comes up, you can remind yourself, "Well, I did all of that. So if I did all of that, I can do this too." It's, it's an important element to, to bring into your life and into your business. And then just have fun. That's the other message too. Have fun. If... like today, I, I went to the, the hardware store and there was a lady there with her gorgeous little King Charles Cavalier puppy who was just aching. Like, he's wiggling for a pat . I was like, "Oh, I'll pat you." I love, I love dogs. And and we, we just got to chatting and she was talking about how when her husband died, her children bought her the dog as company and she'd never even thought about it.And, and so, but she was like, "Oh, you know," and then, "And I love that I can bring my dog to Bunnings, and I can go to cafes," and who says that you can't do that, that, all these various things? And her dog was meant to be, like, seven kilos, and he was actually 13. And she's like, "Oh, but it's, it's hea-" And in this particular dog's case, it was still healthy. You don't want them to be, you know, overweight. But have fun. Like, if you want to have, I don't know, pancakes for dinner, or you want to have chocolate cake for breakfast, obviously not every day then, then have it. Like I, I made this, it's it's actually almond meal, tahini and, and maple syrup. It's like slice with a bit of what is it coconut oil in there as well. And it's actually really healthy, but I was like, "I'll have for breakfast." And my mom was like, "Are you eating sweets for breakfast?" I was like, "Yeah, but it's actually healthy." So but it just, there's that brain shift that sometimes we have to make about, why can we not do that? Like, why, why can I not, you know, have my cake, and eat it? Like, why? You know. So, what are the, what are the constraints that are in your mind that you're thinking, "Oh, well, I can't do this because I don't have the money"? It's like, well, find another way to do it. Just a classic example is this good friend of mine who I've known for a very long time. Our daughters get along quite well, they're close in age, they've grown up together. And we went, we were looking for something sort of inexpensive or even free to do to catch up on afternoon. And we each We, we live on opposite sides of the city, unfortunately. So she caught a bus, we caught a train and in Brisbane now, like, public transport is 50 cents a like a, a fare, a direction, so it's super cheap. And we went to the museum because they had this free Wonderstruck exhibition. And you can put, like, colored dots on the wall. And then outside it, they've redone this sort of, like, playground area, where it's literally a giant hose , a solid giant hose that's been turned into, like, a playground. The kids had a blast. It was so relaxing. And I realized at the end of it, I was like, "I think we spent, like, a dollar," because, you know, her, my daughter's train fare was free, and it was 50 cents each way for me on the train. I thought, "This is amazing." And I brought some snacks, and I brought a bottle, my bottle of water, like I always do. And we just sat there and, you know, we did the, the dot thing, and then the kids played while we chatted. We're sitting by the river, watching the sun come down. It was amazing. I was like, "This is, it doesn't need money to have beautiful experiences and, and moments like that." And that is something to cherish. But then there's other things, like for instance, like I said, I'm going to Sydney tomorrow, and I've got this long list of things that I want to do. However, there are fun ways to do things cheaper. So there's like there's passes that you can get. So I got a pass for the wax museum, the aquarium, and the zoo in Sydney for $54. That was an adult price. I, I think my daughter's like, $45 or something like that. And I thought, "That's really cool." So you can basically just wander around. I'm not a big fan of lots of takeaway anyway, so usually we'll have maybe, like, a smoothie for lunch or, you know, we might, you know, buy some sushi or some other little things from the supermarket. And I have brought a few snacks of food with me 'cause I like, I like what I like. And it's, and it's not about saving money on food. I get to eat what I want, where I want, because there might not be the food that I like when we are where we are and we're hungry. And then I always bring my water bottle with me because I'm not a particularly big fan of tap water in Australia. And again, I don't like buying water 'cause there's always plastic bottles and everything everywhere, so I have my big Frank Green bottle. I have two of them, so I'm carrying, like, two liters of water, which is generally enough for my daughter and I for a day. And yeah, and it's, it's so much easier and simpler. And it is cheaper at the same time. But that's, that's just the bonus. So it's looking at things a little differently. What can you do to think about something? If you're, if there's a certain, "Oh, this is the way it's always been," challenge it. Sometimes you can change it. I'm going through this whole, like, probate process for my dad's estate at the moment. And I said to the lawyer, I was like, "This is antiquated. Why on earth is this process still like this?" And they're like, "Oh, that's just the way it's always been." I was like, "Yeah, but that's the problem." "Why is it like this? It hasn't kept up with the times." Anyway, so I, I went on a bit of a rant with him 'cause I, you know, I just, I find process for process' sake really silly. So, but see where the similar kind of things are happening in your life, because it does happen in mine too. I do something and I'm like, "Why am I doing it this way?" And sometimes my daughter will go, "Mama, how about we do something like this?" I'm hadn't thought it like that. Yeah, let's do that." So you challenge yourself and your thinking. Challenge the thinking of the people around you. If there's a reason for doing something, absolutely. And if it's just because it's simpler and, and another way wouldn't be any better, well, then that's fine. But it's, and it's not about questioning everything all the time, 'cause sometimes you're like, "I just want you to do it the way I've asked, please." Sometimes with my daughter, I'm just like, "Just, can we just, like, do it this way this time? And then we can like, analyze it and assess it for a better way next time? I just need to get this done so I can move onto the next thing." Sometimes it, you're just in that place. But just question. And ultimately, have fun. Enjoy your life. Do the things that you want to do. Put your systems for money in place so that you have the structure and the support to not have to worry about it. You can automate saving. You can automate investing. You can you know, understand what's important to you, live the lifestyle that you want. Fund your fun. Make sure that you use it. And that, that is the beauty of the money system concept, and that, the beauty of clarity, is you can have the life that you want. You can enjoy it. You can feel the, the level of lightness and calm and ease that you want. And that, that's why I do what I do, because I love to help people create that reality for themselves. So anyway, hope my, my little, you know, life reflection/rant helped you today and some of it, some of it was, was was worthwhile for you to listen to and to hear at this particular point in time. If you have any feedback or any questions, please reach out. And if you have any particular topics you would like me to cover in these episodes, then also let me know. But I will leave you on that contemplative note, and have a lovely week.
