Date Your Money: How to Build a Healthier Relationship With Your Finances

What if the problem with money isn’t that you’re “bad at it”, but that you're not paying enough of the right kind of attention to it?

In this episode of Money with Alpha, I invite you to think about money differently. Not as a source of stress, shame, or avoidance, but as a relationship. And like any relationship, it needs attention, respect, honesty, and spending quality time together if it’s going to grow stronger.

Think about the relationships in your life that feel solid and supportive. They didn’t become that way by accident. You spent time together. You went through difficult moments. You learned, adjusted, and showed up again. Money is no different.

Many women, especially in our 30s, 40s, and 50s, have already been through a lot with money. There may have been rocky patches, mistakes, financial stress, or periods of avoidance. But those moments don’t mean you’re bad with money. They mean you’re human. And they hold valuable information, if you’re willing to be curious instead of critical.

That’s where the idea of “dating your money” comes in.

Dating isn’t about commitment right away, it’s about getting to know each other. Asking questions. Paying attention. Creating space for honesty without judgment. When you do this with your money, something powerful happens: visibility replaces anxiety.

Here’s how to start.

1. Know where your money is coming from

Money rarely comes from just one place anymore. It might arrive as salary, business income, side hustles, dividends, child support, or other payments. The first step is simply to list all the sources.  No analysis yet, just awareness.

2. See where your money is going

Money doesn’t leave your life in one neat way either. Some spending happens via credit cards, some via cash, some through direct debits, BPAY, PayPal, or subscriptions you barely remember signing up for. Until you put it all in one place, it can feel far more chaotic than it actually is.

You don’t need the perfect tool, just a way to capture it. Pen and paper are great. A spreadsheet works too if that’s your thing.

3. Understand how your bills are paid

This step alone can be eye-opening. Which bills come out of which accounts? Which ones are linked to cards? What would happen if you had to replace a card tomorrow?

I’ve seen clients discover hundreds of dollars in subscriptions they didn’t know they were paying. Awareness creates choice.

4. Notice timing and frequency

Some expenses are monthly, others quarterly, six-monthly, or annual. Certain months may feel “heavier”, for example, when all your insurances land at once. That doesn’t mean you’re failing at cash flow; it means you need a system that works with reality, not against it.

5. Set clear money goals

A vague intention like “I want to save more” rarely works. We are more likely to reach our goals when we are clear and specific. How much? By when? For what purpose?

Just like planning a date, you need more than “let’s go out sometime.” Specifics matter.

When you combine visibility (what is happening) with clarity (what you want), money becomes less intimidating and far more cooperative. The relationship softens. Confidence grows.

And here’s the final invitation: make this a real date. Take yourself to a café. Bring a notebook. Order a great coffee. Give yourself 30 minutes of focused, judgment-free attention with your money.

Because when you start showing up for your money, it starts showing up for you.