The Real Reason You’re Avoiding Your Money (And What to Do About It)

There’s something I’ve been noticing a lot lately, with clients and also with my 10-year old daughter (we do quite a bit of home learning, so I've seen her journey from discomfort with reading and writing, so gradually becoming more and more comfortable).

It’s this idea of becoming comfortable with discomfort.

And I don’t think we talk about this enough when it comes to money.

Because most women I work with don’t struggle with money because they’re not capable.  They struggle because it feels uncomfortable.  And instead of recognising that discomfort for what it is, they make it mean they there is something wrong with them.

But that’s not actually what’s going on.  What’s really happening is this: you’re sitting in a moment where you don’t feel in control, and instead of staying there long enough to move through it, you avoid it.

Discomfort isn’t the Problem

I’ve been experiencing this myself in a completely different area, building my app (Prosperess). My comfort zone is finance, numbers, systems and words.Technology? Not so much.

There are moments where I’ve been sitting there thinking, “I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing right now, and my brain is hurting!.”

And I could easily have made that mean: “I’m not cut out for this.” But I didn’t. 

Because I recognise the feeling. It’s discomfort.

And I know that if I stay with it long enough, learn what I need to learn, and keep showing up, it becomes easier.

Avoidance is Just Discomfort in Disguise

Let’s talk about procrastination for a second. Because I hear this all the time, “I just keep putting it off.”

But procrastination isn’t the problem. It’s the result. What’s underneath it is usually one of two things:

1. You feel uncomfortable
2. You don’t know what to do

Or both.

And instead of dealing with either of those, you avoid the whole thing, which makes you feel worse, and makes you avoid it more.  Then suddenly you’re in this cycle where nothing is actually changing.

So What Do You Do Instead?

This is where we need to get practical. Because awareness on its own doesn’t change anything.

1. Notice The Discomfort

The first step is actually recognising it.  Awareness is key.  Being aware of what you're feeling:

• irritation
• overwhelm
• resistance
• wanting to do literally anything else.

That’s your signal.

Instead of pushing it away, just pause and ask: “What’s actually going on here?”

2. Pause Before You React

This is something I try to practice (not perfectly, by the way). When something triggers you (like receiving a bill that's higher than you expected it to be), instead of reacting immediately, pause. Take a breath. Step away if you can.

This creates space between the feeling and the action, and that space is where better decisions happen.

3. Identify The Real Gap

This is where most people skip ahead too quickly. Ask yourself if this is discomfort because:

• I don’t understand something?
• Or I just don’t like how this feels?

Because the solution is different.

If it’s a knowledge gap → go learn something

If it’s discomfort → go do something small anyway.

4. Practice Over Procrastination

This is the part no one loves (I certainly never enjoyed practicing my scales on the piano, but they helped me to play the pieces I loved, like the Moonlight Sonata!) but it’s the part that works.

You don’t get confident by thinking about money. You get confident by interacting with it.

• Looking at your bank accounts
• Checking your spending
• Logging into your super
• Running scenarios with your numbers.

Not perfectly. Just regularly.

5. Make It Small (Really Small)

You don’t need hours. You need consistency.

This is where I actually think about something like Duolingo.  I recently got my daughter started on it, which has meant I've gotten back into it as well.  They certainly have gamified foreign language learning and encourage you to do "just 10 minutes a day" to keep your streak going!

You don’t sit down once a month and learn a language for 5 hours. You do 10 minutes a day.

And over time, it compounds, including the commitment you have made and kept with yourself.

Money is the same. 10 minutes a week can be enough to completely change your relationship with it.

The Uncomfortable Truth

Managing your money isn’t complicated. But it does require you to:

• show up
• feel uncomfortable
• do things you haven’t done before.

And most people would rather stay in avoidance than deal with that. But here’s the trade-off - short-term discomfort or long-term stress. You don’t get to avoid both.

What Happens When You Stay with It

When you move through the discomfort, something shifts. You start to see your money more clearly, and start to understand your behaviour, which leads to making better decisions.

Then, most importantly, you start to trust yourself.

That’s the real outcome. Not just “being good with money”, but actually feeling capable with it.

So If You’ve Been Avoiding It…

Start here:

1. Open your bank account
2. Look at what’s there
3. No judgement

That’s it.

You don’t need a full system today, or fix everything. You just need to stop avoiding it, because the more you practice the less uncomfortable it becomes.

And the less uncomfortable it becomes, the more you show up, and that’s where everything starts to change.